Tickets, please.

Have you ever seen the movie "The Polar Express"?

I've seen this movie about a dozen times this month (thank you, lovely children)...but the Lord spoke to me tonight while I was watching this classic with my girls. In the movie every child gets a golden ticket. Each ticket is punched with different letters/words (depending on the child). There are four main tickets in this movie based on four main characters and their personalities. The words are: LEARN, RELY ON, LEAD, and, BELIEVE.

And this is what jumped out at me..."What word would God punch on my ticket?"

I feel like I have changed so drastically this year. My life has changed. Backing up (a lot), I remember telling my husband that my New Year's resolution was going to be to "commit". This is because I have this second nature to just kind of flake at the last minute. I do not do it on purpose...I'm still trying to work on why I do it in the first place. I'm trying. But, I would make plans, like to a T, and then for some reason I would just not go, or not do what I had planned. And I decided January 2013 I wasn't going to do that anymore. (And the one word thing really helps out, if you were wondering.) I really held/hold myself accountable...
But, God was doing more with that word than I thought.

This year I took on more in my church than I ever have before. I stepped out of my shell and volunteered in the children's nursery. Soon after, I became the lead volunteer in nursery. This is something I would never have pictured myself doing.
You see, I grew up as a dorky kid who loved the 80's before it was cool. I wore leggings and windbreakers...before they came back in style. I had round glasses and super chubby cheeks. Basically, I was a pretty big target. Hard to miss. I was picked on for as long as I can remember. In fifth grade I would go home in tears pretty much every day. I've been that kid that sat completely alone at lunch...for an entire semester in High School. Needless to say, I steered clear of anything that put attention on me. I didn't do team captains or a lot of group activities. I even missed a lot of school because of it. (BARE WITH ME...THIS IS ALL GOING SOMEWHERE)...

Anyway...When the mention of being a "leader" came up my first instinct was to sprint for the door. But my word popped into my head immediately. Commit. I was volunteering in an area that I loved to be and I was asked to go further with that. It was terrifying, but I agreed and I prayed. 
I'm not saying this changed me over night...and I'm definitely not saying I am the perfect leader. But I see more potential in myself and more of God's path for me since I've accepted this role. 

I've done a lot of things this year. I've opened my heart up to hear the Lord. And tonight, I watched the conductor punch those words into those tickets. And he took hero girl's ticket and punched LEAD into it and the Holy Spirit told me: "That's your ticket."

I immediately tried to fit every other ticket into my life right now. I thought about how anything else could apply to me...and it could. But that isn't what I was told. I sat there and thought about hero girl's role in the movie. She put others before herself, she made decisions based on the well being of everyone around her. She was incredibly smart and quick to come up with solutions. She naturally fell into a leadership role. But, when she was second-guessed, she immediately began filling her head with doubt. How often do you find yourself in those shoes? For me, it's a lot. So...I could see how I related to this girl and her ticket and why it was brought up to me in the first place...
I don't think this is a prophecy of me becoming the next President of the United States, or anything remotely close to that. Confidence is something I'm always going to have to work on. Putting myself out there has always been a last resort for me. But, I think this was a way God was trying to tell me that I am pointed in the right direction. That I do not need to be the self-doubter. That maybe "lead" is my 2014 word.

So, my question to you is...what's punched on your ticket? 

Being a Light

My church is starting a new series called "Coming Home". Very fitting for the holiday. This past Sunday our pastor spoke about how "Home is where the heart is," and Jesus being the guest of honor in your home. He asked us three questions but one really stuck out to me: 

"Can non-believers encounter Jesus in your home?"

Before I begin rambling I just need, well, ramble...My husband and I love board games. Probably too much. We are competitive. We like to win. So, we have game nights pretty frequently. Things can get messy.
With that being said...being humble and full of the Holy Spirit isn't the first thing that comes to mind when we're arguing across a table over a game of Blockus (gets us every time). We've gotten better, but, serious arguments may or may not have taken place while playing said board games. Tension can build up all because we can get too proud and our egos get the best of us. (yes. over a board game.) I will say that it never really lasts long because we are in good company (and we'd like it to stay that way.) But hey, we're human. Weird ones. It still counts.  
The thing is...not all of our friends are Christians.

It has had me thinking: Are we shining God's light when we are around others? Maybe it's just us. Me. Whatever.
But, do you find yourself acting a certain way around certain people? When I'm around people I don't know I am very quiet. When I'm around people I don't know well, I am more reserved and I watch what I say. But, when I'm around my close friends...I am loud. I am sarcastic. I make way too many "That's what she said." jokes. I'm open. I will give advice. I will help. I will go out of my way to make sure someone feels welcome in my home. 
Maybe that isn't always a good thing. Because, if I'm going out of my way to make a non-believer feel more comfortable inside my home...I'm probably pushing my God closer to the front door. I'm not saying that I am always doing this, although, I'm sure it's happened. I need to make sure I'm taking a step back and really thinking about how I am presenting myself and how I am representing the Lord, especially in my house.

"continue to think about what is good and worthy of praise. Think about what is true and honorable and right and pure and beautiful and respected." -Philippians 4:8 

There is actually another bible verse I would string along with this one about being aware of what you think. Your thoughts will become your actions. (Proverbs 4:23) Home is where your heart is. If your heart is in the dark your actions will not glorify God.

This was a very good reminder for me. Like, I can invite people to come to church every day. But, if they don't see the Holy Spirit in my home or in my heart, why would they come? I'm working on living more outward in general. I know God has plans for me and if I remain faithful to Him and keep seeking his word, those plans will become clear. I will be more intentional about shining the light from within.

"Our job is not to convince every body that Jesus is real. Our job is to invite them to experience it for themselves."

Bad luck. Bad day. Bad attitude?

Have you ever considered yourself bad luck? 

I have called myself that a handful of times in my life. This morning was one of those times. I decided early that I was going to run errands that I had been meaning to do all week. So around 9:00 a.m I got my three year old ready and made a list of things I needed to accomplish. We headed out in good spirits and made our way to the grocery store...(I even remembered to bring my reusable bags!)

Before we got to the store I needed to deposit a check into my bank account. But, much to my surprise (not really a surprise at all, I forget everything.) I forgot my debit card. Ergo, I could not put my check into the ATM. I was slightly annoyed, but I decided that my husband could just take care of it before he went to work, and moved on to my next task. We got to the store, and I went for my purse to dig out my quarter. (You need a quarter to release a shopping cart.) No quarter. I needed a cart and my toddler was ready to get out of the car. So, here I am digging through the spaces in my car looking for spare change. Once I found enough pennies...that's right, pennies, I went inside and asked for a quarter, went back out, got my cart and began shopping. Here I cannot really complain because there were no crowds and my daughter was great the entire time. But, once we got through the check out it was a different story. This store only took cash or debit. This was the card I didn't bring with me today, and I never have cash on me. So the woman, who could see the panic in my eyes as the line began to grow (where did all of these people come from?), told me she would suspend my transaction and moved my cart aside...so that way I could "go get cash out of the ATM". Which I couldn't do. Because I only had my credit card.

Bad luck, right? 

I went outside and called my knight in shining armor to come and save the day, but we live a couple of minutes away and he had to get our 18 month old ready...so I had no choice but to wait. As I sat there worrying about what all of those people were thinking...whether or not they were going to put my food away...whether or not my food was going to go bad...I could feel my entire body tensing up and I realized how sour my face had gotten. Right in that moment I decided that today was not going to be ruined by petty things I could not control. I thought of this verse: 

 "human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires."-James 1:20

You cannot twist that around any other way. I did not have a Godly mindset. 
After the Holy Spirit calmed me, I watched two women and a little boy walk up to the front of the store. One woman got her cart, but the other woman did not have a quarter to get a shopping cart. As they were digging through their purses an older couple came out and offered their cart to them in exchange for a quarter. The woman explained that she did not have a quarter, but she would give them a dollar instead. The older couple rejected the dollar, returned their cart and left with their quarter. This is probably something that would have upset me, actually it kind of did. (Hello? That is a three quarter profit!) But, the women held their postures well and went inside with only the one cart.

After my husband arrived, and we paid for our groceries, we noticed two carts just sitting in the parking lot. John (my husband) joked and said "Hey, look! free quarters!" I told him to start the car and went for the shopping cart. (In that moment, he probably thought I was actually going for the free quarter.)

I brought the cart inside and found the women. The cart they had was already full. I offered her the cart and apologized for eavesdropping on their conversation. She thanked me several times and her happiness was just simply contagious. I was joy-filled knowing I made her trip to the store slightly better than my trip to the store.

Now, I'm sure If I decided to sit in my stench of a bad mood, I would not have offered that woman a cart. I would have saw it in the parking lot and kept going on with my day and my rotten attitude. My day started out rough, but I ended up learning an important lesson with that. We cannot be the arms and feet of Jesus if we keep our feet still and our arms crossed.